I contracted HIV almost 2 ½ years ago.  The process of learning to cope with my diagnosis as well as its effect on my life, has been painful and challenging, but it has also been a time of personal growth, and a deepening of my walk with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  Throughout the past 2 ½ years, the Lord has met each and every need, and He’s been Faithful and True, even when I haven’t.  His mercies have been “new every morning,” and He has been with me in the darkest nights of my life, never abandoning His promise to “never leave or forsake me.”

The Lord recently sent me on a 2-week missions trip to Zimbabwe.  While there He used me to minister to others, some of who are HIV+ too.  When I agreed to go on this mission trip however, I had no idea that God would richly bless and minister to me as well.  What the Lord used to minister to me the most is found in the book of John, Chapter 11, the story of Lazarus and his resurrection from the dead.

For the majority of the first 2 years after contracting HIV, my cry to the Lord was, “Why did You allow this?”  Yet, no matter how long or how hard I pleaded for an answer, God seemed silent.  I eventually quit asking.  Then, while in Zimbabwe, I was reading through the book of John, and came to Chapter 11.  After my initial reading of it I questioned God: “Why Lord did You wait so long before You went to see Lazarus?”  In my logical mind I reasoned that, since Jesus loved Lazarus, wouldn’t a loving thing to do when someone you love is sick be to go and see them?   But then I read again where Jesus said, “this sickness will not lead to death, it is for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be revealed,” and everything seemed to make sense.  The Lord spoke to me through those verses and showed me that the most loving thing for Him to do isn’t always what seems best to us, and it certainly isn’t to rescue us from every trial and tribulation in this life.  (In fact Jesus says later in the Bible that, “in this life you will have trials.”)  The most loving thing for Jesus to do is to use us to bring glory to God; to use us to show Jesus to the world.  In that moment, the Holy Spirit spoke again to my heart, “that is why I’ve allowed you to have HIV.”  God didn’t give me HIV or cause me to have HIV, but in His great compassion, He is able to work through the HIV.  Despite the pain and suffering I have endured or may endure, God can and will use this in my life for my ultimate good and His glory, if I allow Him.  And, I have already begun to see Him do that!  Ultimately, HIV will not claim victory in my life, for to be “absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”  I am confident that, when I breathe my last on earth, I’ll live in Heaven with Him for all eternity!  He promises in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”  Jesus has ultimate victory, He alone numbers my days, and He is in control.

This website has come from what the Lord taught and showed me during my time with Him in Zimbabwe.  I pray that through it others will find hope, healing and joy in their journey and that they too will find the Lord to be Faithful and True.  He loves you, is there for you and cares for you; He understands your pain; surrender to Him and let Him work His healing in your life.